Here’s The Circumcision’s Pain (Part Twelve)




“Fermy Nurhidayat.”

I nodded and approached the beautiful coas. Then she took me to an examination room. After having acquaintanced immediately revealed the turmoil of my heart to her. I was sobbing, my heart still be ached. This coas took a tissue out of her pocket, picked a few pieces, and handed it to me.

As I was telling the chronology of calamity event that I’ve had, it appeared that she was thinking hard. It seemed that she was considering something. Having looked doubtful for a moment, she finally said,

“I am your school’s alumni.”

“Your father obviously was my ex-teacher.”

“Who is your father’s name, kid?.”

“Mr. Toha,” I replied bluntly.

“Do you know?.”

The girl nodded. Her eyebrows arched upward. It was obvious that she was very surprised.

“I just only know that he was a good teacher”

“Everyone says that,” I barely replied.

Once completed told to the beautiful coas, She allowed me to leave the room and waiting again. This time I will be faced with a real psychiatrist. She wanted me to told to the psychiatrists as I told her as coas.

“You are allowed crying if it is necessary, kid.” she told me again. I came several times to control to Saiful Anwar Hospital afterwards. Once it was clear that my father’s attitude remains unchanged. Even after his son was facing to a psychiatrist himself because of his behavior. I stopped my visited to Saiful Anwar General Hospital.




photograph by Astungkara Wiguna

Here’s The Circumcision’s Pain (Part Eleven)




I walked towards Psychiatry Polyclinic. Wipe sweat from my forehead with the my right palm hand. I did not bring a handkerchief. After finding Psychiatry Polyclinic, I immediately handed the files received from the registration booth and expressed what I mean. To meet with a psychiatrist.

The clerk at the Saiful Anwar General Hospital Psychiatry Policlinic was not asking a lot. She just told me to sit and wait. So, I sat down, and waited there.

Other patient started to arrive. There was an old man who came escorted by his daughter. His daughter was very beautiful. She was wearing a blazzer an skirt with matching color and model. The old man had appeared exhausted. Then comes a mother who brings her child to check. Her son was a depressed university student.

All patients who came was delivered by one or several members of his family, except me. Only I who came myself in Saiful Anwar General Hospital Psychiatric Policlinic to see the psychiatrist. A boy, twelve years old. PPSP Malang Teachers’ Training College Junior High School student which registered using his student card.

Some of the patient’s family began to greet and converse with one another. They were expressing sympathy. Indeed, it would been beteer if our load was shared with others concerned. The patient’s family members were also ill in fact, in their own way. Accompanying the sick person obviously tiring.

I did not intend to follow chatting with them. Some patients’ families asked me about the purpose of my coming over there. I answered with the necessary and short. I did not want to sell out my grief to other person, except a professional who deliberately trained for it.

Some coas came in one big group. Coas were a medical student who has completed the theory lectures. Now they learned to practice the knowledge they got from the Faculty of Medicine. Usually they do it in a teaching hospital as well.They entered a room. Not long afterwards a female coas call my name,




photograph by Astungkara Wiguna